World Cup

Bantam Racer · World Cup

Weather warning, The north of England may experience some flooding problems due to the whole of Scotland pissing themselves.

What's the difference between England and aids ? Aids will still be in Africa on Monday.

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• I'm shocked at Wayne Rooney's outburst after the Algeria game. Who knew he could even string a sentence together!

• Fabio Capello was wheeling his shopping trolley across the supermarket car park when he noticed an old lady struggling with her bags of shopping. He stopped and asked, "Can you manage dear?" To which the old lady replied, "No way. You got yourself into this mess, don't ask me to sort it out!"

• What do you call an Englishman in the knockout stages of the World Cup? A referee.

• What's the difference between Wayne Rooney and Shrek? Shrek can save the day.

• Three hours of football and Robert Green is still England's top scorer.

• I can't believe we only managed a draw against a rubbish team we should easily have beaten. . . . I'm ashamed to call myself Algerian

• What's the difference between a faulty jet engine and Wayne Rooney? The jet engine eventually stops whining.

• Apparently that fan had no trouble slipping into the England dressing room – Robert Green was guarding the door

• Apparently, the new England tactic is to have Rooney and Gerrard up front, Robert Green in goal and the rest of the team just behind him.

Boom Boom !!